then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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