today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
