fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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