I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
