there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
