did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
