2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This girl is more easily done than said...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
