my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
