Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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