Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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