If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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