alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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