Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we're making bets on your personal life
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
