if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
