Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
