Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have post one night stand depression
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
