I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
