I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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