I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
