Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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