Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize