You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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