I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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