WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
