the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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