I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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