so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
