This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
