I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
