You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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