my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize