I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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