Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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