If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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