that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
