..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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