It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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