I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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