i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
