They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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