And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
should my penis look like a turkey
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
