She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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