I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
