Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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