actually, I'm a sock model
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think i have two assholes
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
