Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
