yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
