Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize