It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
