Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
