Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
