I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
