Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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