Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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