I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
