When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
