Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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