I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
