He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize