Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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