Reggie can tackle my bush.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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