Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
