and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
