how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
