Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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