I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
